So there's this show that I watched a year or so ago that I thought sounded very intriguing... I only watched a couple episodes and it got to be too real (or too stupid) so I stopped watching it. But the premise was good. It was about poor pretty boy Barry Watson starring as some guy named Brian who has a group of friends, all of which were involved in their own relationships.... except him. He was literally the 5th wheel or 7th wheel (there were 3 couples). And I guess the show was how he was going to cope or live his life around his good friends who were trying to do the same but in relationships. OK, now I remember why I stopped watching this show. He was Barry Watson (third from the right in the above picture). He was a handsome man. Are you telling me he couldn't get a date so that he had to be fixed up by his friends? Yeah, I wasn't believing this. Come to think of it, there were other subplots and subtexts that were hitting a little close to home and I had to stop watching it as well (if you want to know what these were, I'm not telling... read a spoiler). I have no idea what the plot is consisting of now, but I was watching too many TV shows, so I stopped watching this one.
So I thought long and hard about whether or not I should write what I'm writing today... First I thought about whether or not my friends might think I'm being overly sensitive or I'd come off as a sad sack. Then I thought that no matter how it seems like I don't think anyone is reading my blog, there are some people who are. This is not a diary... it's a blog. Very distinct differences. So first let me express that I'm not asking for pity or sympathy. I really am not. I am also not asking for any of my friends to act any different around me in the future. You do what comes natural and I would do the same thing in the same situation if the moment was right. (Don't Change!) And lastly I am only writing and publishing this entry of my blog, because it will be therapeutic knowing that I opened myself up in this way. If I just write it to myself like a diary, I don't get the benefit or notion that someone might be reading what I wrote, and that's what I need now.
OK, so here goes...
So there was a very good reason why I brought up "What About Brian". Why? Because I felt I was Brian this past weekend. I was at my friend's 30th birthday party. I was surrounded by a lot of friends who wanted to celebrate with said birthday person. It was great. The surprise went off as expected which meant the person of honor was actually surprised. There was lots of laughter and lots of giggling and lots of smiling faces. I had a really good time.... the best in a while.
But interlaced in all the smiling faces and laughter was something that unexpectedly shined an uncomfortable light on myself. There were 11 people there, of which 5 pairs were couples... and one person by themselves. I was the odd wheel like Brian from that show.
It was not one thing in particular that I saw that set it off... a kiss on the cheek... a light stroke of the back of the neck... a lean on the shoulder... another kiss on the cheek... I've seen these public displays of affection all my life so it didn't bother me; it actually made me appreciate life in general. I wasn't at the end of the table so it would look obvious that I was the only person by himself. I was enjoying the party completely. But what happened is I saw those moments when it gets a little calmed down and you can't help by glance at the people at the table to see how everyone is doing and you see it. You see these tender moments that just happen and you don't care what the world thinks. Because you are in your own world with your significant other. It's just that I never realized that it made me take stock of my own life as it did for me right then and there. I just wish there was a way so I wouldn't feel quite so unintentionally singled out. It was my own fault and my own insecurities really.
There was no force of nature, natural disaster, impending doom, terror attack that would've made me want to leave my friend's birthday party. But I guess I've never ever been in a situation quite like that with no other people there to share the "heights" of being single. Though I did feel disdain for the moment (and it was not directed at my friends), these are the awkward moments that make you open your eyes and realize what you want in life.... to appreciate it more when it is your time to shine. But like everything, you have to take it one day at a time. The take home message that I should have took that night (that I just realized just now) is this. Even though these were couples who were in love and showing affection and making me think of this song, they were still my friends and friends of friends and ... sometimes... that is really and truly all you need to make it to the next day.
LeeZy
No comments:
Post a Comment