What was wrong with the Transformers movie

Say hello to Perceptor, the transfomer that's a microscope... Yes... I was a big nerd as a kid... I owned it and loved my transforming microscope... even though it was a big sissy.

OK, you are going to read a lot about the Transformers movie... a lot... even really good reviews like this that recommend it to you. And I admit, what's wrong with it will not take away with what makes it so freaking cool... but still... I watched it today and I had to pop in the original 1986 movie to wash the new movie off of me. I just felt really disgusted and if you are a diehard fan, you will too.

But after watching the old movie and thinking back to the new movie, they really could've done a whole lot better than what they did, while satisfying the old school fans of this cartoon genre. I mean it really took very little and they still screwed it up. Let me count the ways.

1. Megatron: He was a transforming gun. OK, there's the argument that Megatron cannot transform into a gun that's 1/100th of his original size. OK... fine... fair enough... it would be very weird and I guess wouldn't fly in a live action movie directed by Michael Bay. But let me introduce to you to the above transformer... Galvatron...

In the movie in 1986, he was what Megatron was recreated into after being abandoned for dead in the plot of the movie. Now when he was recreated, he wasn't a gun anymore. He was a canon or a large turret. Would that help the neigh-sayers embrace the idea of a huge robot alien transforming into a gun or war weapon? I would have no problem having Megatron be a huge canon or turret in this movie. But no, they turned him into some kind of plane. I personally had problems telling him apart from Starscream (yes he's in it).


2. The transforming sound: It's missing! If you speak to any fan of this series, that is one of the most recognizable sounds in cartoon history (besides "Scooby Dooby Dooooooooooooooo!). I mean really, how could you leave out the sound of the Autobots and Decepticons transforming. I know, I know, it doesn't blend in with the whole realistic nature of the movie... the realistic nature of alien robots that attack earth and transform into anything.... it doesn't make sense...

A youtube example


3. Bumblebee: Apparently in the thought process of this movie, Bumblebee needed to be fast and quick automobile. He needed to be able to escape his captors or an enemy. And I guess they needed to market a car that's currently on sale by GM. But was it really necessary for him to be a fast car? I don't think so...

But for some reason there was another VW beetle that Bumblebee (yes he was still called Bumblebee) was channeling as a Camaro. And his name was Herbie... not what I was expecting and not something the fans will like. Hell, if you were going to make him act like Herbie, why the hell didn't just go all the way and make him a VW Beetle? I just don't get it.

4. The Transformer Heads: I'm sorry, but what the hell is this?


5. The Anthony Anderson Effect: Why this guy gets movie roles... I don't know. But every movie he's in, I really wonder if he really lightens the mood of the movie, becomes the comedy relief, or is just an ultimate harbinger of death for the movie. In Transformers he plays a character you don't immediately think the role is best suited for him and he plays it with mediocrity. I honestly don't understand why he was in it. Maybe they needed some kind of Pauly Shore foil. I still disliked every scene he was in.


5. The Voices: The above two photos above are the original voices of the two main characters of the original transformers. Peter Cullen (the top picture) is the voice of Optimus Prime and is in the movie in the same role. Frank Welker (the bottom picture) is the voice of Megatron and is NOT in the movie in the same role. Megatron is being voiced by Hugo Weaving, best known for his role as Agent Smith in the Matrix.

Honestly, didn't even notice that was him. And I'm trying to understand why they went that route. I would've just been fine with Frank Welker and hearing his voice as Megatron would've been awesome and true to the series.


6. Energon Cubes: OK, anyone remember what these were? OK, maybe it was because Soundwave wasn't in this movie... which begs the question... why not? In the plot of the movie, they do end up chasing something that's cube-like... but I guess that's asking for too much to have Energon cubes in a Transformers movie.

So as you can see, a few things would've made this movie better for the diehard fans. But instead, I felt it was only OK.... at least I wasn't bombarded with cheesy catch phrases... oh wait... I was....

damn...

I don't know... the one reason I wanted to watch this movie was for the nostalgia. And the only thing that helped satisfy that was hearing Peter Cullen's voice. If you're going to make a movie like that... at the very least, give something that will appease the fans. Marvel helped craft the movies about their comic books. I guess Hasbro really needed the money. And I also blame Steven Spielberg for screwing it up too. But not as much as Michael Bay... the freakin idiot. Thanks for ruining a childhood memory.... forever.

Now I got to pop in my 1986 version of the movie so I can wash that new movie off of me...

LeeZy