Sweating bullets in the jury box

First off as I write this... here's something to occupy your time...
You notice google maps has a street view function now? All I know, it was taken very recently... based on the cars outside my house...

Whew... anyway... back to Jury Duty Day 1:

That was close... the fact that I'm talking about my jury experience should be indication that I didn't make the jury (thank God). But it was really dicey there.


First off, they make you watch a video... with some lady that resembles Carolyn from the Apprentice (you know, the woman that Trump fired before replacing her with his own daughter, Ivanka). And there's this cheesy music playing that I can't tune out. It's hilarious. So they are showing all these interviews with people who have served on a jury. It's funny. There's this retired librarian... and some farmer... and some dental hygenist... and various other people. They ask some interesting questions that I've thought of at many times. But I tune it out. It's early and I'm really struggling to stay awake. But if the Simpsons should get any new ideas for new spoof documentary/instruction videos... here's an idea.

Then they do roll call... I feel like I'm in my US history class again...

"Here"

I always liked how my name was so easy to pronounce... and others had really hard names that get butchered all the time. It was really mean to laugh at the name "Dyckman" when it was mispronounced... but I was 16 at the time...

Then we get moved into the courtroom and have to raise our hand if we have problems with serving on a jury for an extended period of time. This was going to be a civil court case and was going to last 3-4 weeks, Monday thru Thursday. Holy potatoes!!!! Were they serious? The only saving grace was that it was going to be a nine person jury. But at this time, you really realize how your problems compare to everyone else. I mean, I have problems and issues I deal with every day. But some other people have lots and lots of other things they worry about. They have spouses that are disabled, some have kids that need day care, some have to travel 60 miles to get to the courthouse, and one poor poor soul had to add another chapter to a 1300 page dissertation when his consulting faculty just died from lung cancer and is 3 weeks behind schedule with 2 weeks to go to turn it in.

And then some person had to write an NIH grant.

"Can you get a extension" asks the judge

"Uh, sometimes... but not that much extra time" answers the person.

Sometimes your problems seem so insignificant.... because they could be worse. So this was the time for the first of many sidebars and after that, many people were excused.

Something I should also say... people were randomly placed in a random order and assigned seats... which included the jury box. I was in juror seat 7... of course I was... I was in seat 4 last time.... I really had to make sure I said something when asked various questions. If you don't say anything... they have no reason to doubt your decision making.

Then we find out this is a civil trial involving race discrimination... wow... that's a huge can of beans. The members are then asked if they were ever discriminated because of race or knew of a family member or friend in the same situation. This was then followed by questions about discrimination in general... which I piped up on (for a friend's situation way back in the past).

Or you getting bored yet?... because I wanted to scream "fire" because I was so bored.

Then we were each tested with a pop quiz; or essentially a quiz about ourselves (job, occupation, group memberships, hobbies, etc.)... and then we get to the funniest part of morning.

The lawyers ask us questions, but for a short amount of time and essentially towards all of the jury panel. First it was the plantiff representing the guy suing for monetary damages for discrimination. Now snap judgement... I was for this guy... he looked like a hard working guy, who got fired from his job. I felt for him... I related to him... but that was before his lawyer spoke. This lawyer... she talked about how we felt about awarding damages for discrimination, and if we could do it... or how it could be quantified.... suffering... really deep stuff. Personally, I had no problem with it... but then she asked a question or line of questioning that made the other lawyer object... yes object during juror questioning... We were talking about race and we were talking about discrimination. So what obvious question was going to be asked next?

"Does anyone not know about the OJ Simpson case?"

(groan ... that was me in my head)


"Does anyone remember the name Mark Fuhrman?"

(are you kidding me? did she just bring up Mark Fuhrman?... AAAUUGGHHH!!!)

I'll spare you the rest of this story, but the questioning got really disjointed and I can tell this was going to be an annoying trial... but I still felt bad for the plaintiff and what he might or might not have gone through.

Then I listened to the other lawyer ask questions... he asked about discrimination or intimidation from a previous employer and I spoke up.

Essentially, I was trying to make one set of lawyers hate me... or shed some doubt about whether or not I could be a good juror.

I couldn't help but get the feeling that I was in some reverse lottery... usually you want to get picked for something and when you do, you don't get it... but in a reverse lottery, you don't want to get it and in a pure and unadulterated form of Murphy's law, you get it anyway.


So after all the questions have been answered, the lawyers had yet another sidebar and we had to wait

and wait

and wait

and shuffling of papers

and wait

and then the lawyers starting handing rosters of jurors to each other

and then to the other lawyers

and back again

and back again


... after about an hour of watching the lawyers look up at each of us from their tables (after reading their rosters) and making some inaudible comment to each other, we all patiently waited to hear our verdict... whether or not we would be found .... fit... to be a juror.

and then the clerk got the form and the judge informed us that we would now be notified if we were jurors and if not, she thanked us in advance that our civic duty was appreciated.

So then the clerk got the list, and then on bated breath, we were waiting. And we waited... and waited and waited... and then she started typing something, and we waited.

(I've seen more suspense here than I ever did while watching American Idol)

Bottom line, when they did read the list, I wasn't on it... but of the people who were on it, about 7, were seated in the jury box with myself... (hence why I dodged the bullet)... and the 2 others were seated with the rest of the jury panel.

So I'm thankful... it could be a lot worse... but now I kind of want to know what happens.

Oh well...

I'm getting good at this... maybe I should teach a class. :)

LeeZy